morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
