I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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