Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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