ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
