I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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