do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
