I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
