pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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