I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
