i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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