All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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