ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
