Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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