when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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