i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
