i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
