Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
