You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
