During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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