ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
