It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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