so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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