i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
