she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
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Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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