Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
