Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
