I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
