i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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