Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
