So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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