I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
