So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
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I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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