I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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