are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
