What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
