You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize