After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
