after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
