they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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