On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
