So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
