Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
