I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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