it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
