i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
