I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
