And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
