Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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