have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
