Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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