dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
