I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
