I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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