Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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