It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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