I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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