If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
