Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
