from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
