I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
